The Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy

So, I got a couple gift cards to Barnes and Noble and had added 3 books to my cart and needed one more to use the cards up.

I was looking through the discounted bin and found ‘The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy’ for 4 bucks. I had heard it was terrible, and I couldn’t resist buying it to see for myself. Especially since it was only four dollars.

I got it in the mail today…

I opened it, and was pissed off at the very first page haha. Definitely not a great start.

I skimmed through about 70 pages, getting more and more upset, and I came to the chapter on choosing your caregiver. I was interested in what this chapter had to say, so I started to actually read all the words on the page haha.

Here is page one….

My girlfriend Kathy opted for a home birth with a nurse-midwife, and the midwife did everything from make her herb teas to walk with her in the hills outside her house to help bring on regular contractions. The nurturing and reassurance were extraordinary. Unfortunately, Kathy found labor longer, more painful, and more frightening than she had anticipated, and she ended up falling into the tiny backseat of her sports car and being whisked to a hospital to deliver her son. Her biggest disappointment was that because she had waited so long, the doctors decided not to give her any pain relief because it was time to push anyway.

I gleaned three lessons from Kathy’s story. First, you can never go to the hospital too early, even if you end up spending the next twenty-four hours just walking the halls of the maternity ward. Second, save the home births, midwives, and underwater deliveries for second, third, or fourth babies. There is no way you can make an informed decision about how you want to manage your delivery until you have some realistic idea of what to expect. We Girlfriends guarantee that you will be surprised, perhaps pleasantly, perhaps not so pleasantly, but YOU WILL BE SURPRISED, even after reading this book. And third, never elect to have a child where you have no access to medication or, God forbid, real doctors.

You will tell yourself from now till labor begins that you intend to try delivering without an epidural, but I can’t think of a Girlfriend who didn’t take it when it was offered. Well, I take that back. My Girlfriend Jillian never took pain medication, but perhaps if her husband had no been there promising her jewelry if she could make it through, she too, would have found the epidural a relief. (I wonder how it would go if she were to stand beside him with diamond cuff links while he was getting a vasectomy.) Nor was there any medication for Corki, whose baby had a heart problem that might adversely have been affected by it, or Amy, who labored too fast for the doctor to have time to get the epidural into her without slowing down her progress. But both Corki and Amy maintain that they would forever have been grateful for such medical intervention.

A postscript to this home delivery section: Childbirth is as messy as a pig slaughter. Why in the world would you want to sacrifice your beautiful sheets, not to mention your mattress, to such a thing? If you just can’t stand the thought of going to a hospital, perhaps you should consider delivering at the four star hotel; it’s still cheaper than a hospital, and the food and maid service are infinitely better.

I couldn’t go on. If this is what the women in this country are reading, no freaking wonder that they are all having epidurals and interventions. No wonder only 1% deliver at home. No wonder the cesarean rate is so high..

I want to keep reading, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe it will get better…..

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5 Responses

  1. I am horrified right now! speechless really!!! I mean i expected it to be bad but wow that book needs some good old fashion burning! i agree with you if thats women r reading no wonder they would rather watch their baby be born then be an active participant.

  2. Why can't that be one of the books on the banned list?

  3. I haven't read it but after that excerpt, I seriously want to hurl. If that's the kind of childbirth education most of mainstream is getting, then like you said, no wonder…

  4. Wow. What a completely ignorant excerpt. I haven't read the book, but I can't help but think that done right it would've had the potential to be a great book to bring mothers and mothers-to-be together.

  5. They really publish this trash?!

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