You might be a birth junkie if….

I got this from Woman To Woman, and thought it was too funny to not repost.


You might be a Birth Junkie…

  • if you blog about birth (more than just your own birth for historical purposes) or if your birth story is at least two pages long
  • if you failed math, but can quickly convert grams to pounds and ounces (approximately)
  • if you can say “vagina” in a sentence without blushing
  • if you can correctly use “os” in a sentence
  • if you can’t remember who won any gold medals for the US in the last Olympics, but you know US statistics for maternal and infant mortality, and the national C-section rate (bonus points if you know your local hospital(s) epidural, induction, and C-section rates) — if you’re not from the US, insert your own country
  • if you can list the mother-friendly and baby-friendly guidelines from memory, and know which hospital in your area (if any) fulfills those goals
  • if you can recite the midwifery model of care
  • if when you’re discussing something related to birth, you receive those polite but puzzled looks… right before your conversation partner moves away
  • if you see a circle about 4″ big, and you think “that’s fully dilated”
  • if you have birth-related artwork somewhere in your house (includes placenta pictures and belly casts, etc.)
  • if you currently have or ever did have a placenta in your freezer
  • if you have ever consumed placenta
  • if you have a model of a pelvis, uterus, or some other female organ
  • if you always keep honey sticks on hand
  • if you’ve ever gone to the bookstore and hidden “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” (or some other similar non birth-junkie book) and replaced it with some pro natural-birth book
  • if other women get tired of telling you their birth stories before you get tired of hearing them
  • if you have a library (or would love to acquire one) of birth-related books and videos
  • if you have 10 or more birth-related videos saved to your account on YouTube
  • if you appear on any YouTube (any internet) video talking about birth, in labor, or giving birth (picture montages count)
  • if at least half of the blogs you regularly read are birth-related
  • if someone tells you she “had to have” a particular intervention and you can come up with several alternatives that were never mentioned to her (bonus points if she doesn’t get mad or defensive)
  • if you refuse to play the “my birth was worse than your birth” game
  • if you feel like you know your fellow online birth junkies (even though you’ve never actually met them) better than you know some of your flesh-and-blood friends
  • if ten or more of your Facebook friends (or other equivalent) are people you’ve never actually met but know them through birth-related functions (blogs, email lists, etc.)
  • if you’ve ever gone to a birth conference
  • if you’ve ever emailed, mailed or called your state or national representatives about a birth-related matter
  • if someone tells you her baby is breech and you give her names (bonus points if you know phone numbers) of chiropractors skilled in the Webster technique or people who can perform moxibustion
  • if you know what counterpressure is and how to apply it (bonus points if you’ve done it)
  • if you know what a rebozo is (bonus points if you’ve used one)
  • if you encourage your children, especially young children, to watch birth videos
  • if you can get hoarse from watching TV birth shows (like A Baby Story), because you’re yelling through the screen at the woman or her care providers

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