Birth Story #41

This one had me crying for a few days (I stayed awake on twitter waiting for updates and everything)

She did end up with an unnecessary cesarean because her seven pound baby wouldn’t “fit”.

I think this is one story where some women will scratch their head and say “Yes, but you should have chosen your care provider better” or “The baby probably wouldn’t have fit”. Those women, obviously happy in their ignorance, should not comment on her birth. There is a lot to be learned just from this one birth, and I am positive I learned at least a dozen new things. I hope other pregnant women or birth professionals look at this birth and learn a few things too.

She is an incredibly strong woman, and she is going to help a lot of women just sharing her story.

It is in five parts, but it is all on her birth story page, so I will just link it to there.

Baby Dickey’s Birth Story


SpongeBob and Birth

I see birth in everything. On signs, in books, in movies…. Just everywhere.

My daughter discovered SpongeBob SquarePants and we have the movie so we watch it a lot.

As I was watching it a few times, one part kept standing out to me and I finally figured out why.

I am probably one of the few that has seen this movie, but I saw birth.

When SpongeBob and Patrick have to go to Shell City to get back King Neptune’s crown (a town where no one comes back if they go there), they reach a point where they realize they are too scared and too kidlike to go on. They turn around.

King Neptune’s daughter Mindy finds them and ‘turns them into men’ so they can finish the quest. She actually just puts seaweed on them like mustaches but they think it is real and so they have no more fear.

They go into a trench and aren’t scared of the monsters or anything. But, when the man that is chasing them tells them the mustaches are a lie, they lose their confidence.

I saw women and birth.

Women are so confident in their daily lives. They know what they want and go for it.

Except in pregnancy and birth.

Once women are pregnant, they are scared.

Scared of labor, of birth, of tearing, the pain, and hand over their care to ‘qualified professionals’.

When you tell a woman she can do it and help her find the strength she didn’t know she has, she changes.

She is like SpongeBob with his mustache. Nothing can stop her. She is invicible!

She is strong. She is capable. She is amazing.

Take this away and you have a woman that is terrified of what will happen again. Worried she will fail.

Women need to be empowered, not controlled. They need to be supported, not pushed around.

Women, birth is such an amazing process. Learn how you can work with it to become the woman you never knew you could be.

Be the phrase ‘I am woman, hear me roar!’

You have an intense power within you that shouldn’t be controlled. That is purely you. Seize it with both hands, and hang on for the ride!!

"That Wasn’t To Blame"

Sorry I haven’t posted, I am still working on getting some internet since our laptop broke. Hopefully this is a good post since you all have been waiting so patiently (hehe, most probably don’t even care).

On twitter yesterday (yes, I am on there ALL THE TIME and get tons of information from it), one of my friends linked to an article summarizing a new study that has been done showing that birth weights of babies has gone down since 2005 and hasn’t continued to grow like it has yearly.

The article is HERE

What amazed me most about this article is that they took information from birth certificates and didn’t actually follow anyone or find out special cases of birth or anything.

The study found that the birth weights of term infants (anywhere from 37 weeks to 42 weeks gestation) has gone down a slight bit. It is now under seven and a half pounds as average for babies born at term instead of the over eight pounds it was in 2005.

The study also found that full term pregnancy is two and a half days less than it was before. They don’t say exactly how long they have found pregnancy to be, but they did talk about inductions and cesareans and how they are absolutely “not to blame”.

Here is my one problem with this.

50 years ago, you were given a due month, not a due date. Now, all women see is this magical date that their child is supposed to arrive before, and if the babe is not here by then, it is “overdue”. (That is a topic in and of itself).

Now that you are given a due date, and most doctors and some midwives will not let a woman go over 41 weeks (and some won’t let you go over 40 weeks), the average length of pregnancy has shortened. Whereas a first time mom was shown to go into labor by 41 weeks 5 days, and a second or more time mom would labor by 40 weeks 5 days, now all pregnancy is an average of 39 weeks.

How are early inductions and scheduled cesareans not to blame for this?

I know it is controversial, and I don’t really care. We have a cesarean rate of almost 32% now. One in three women walk into the hospital and walk out with a cut uterus. THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

In some places, almost as much as 50% of women are induced because their body “doesn’t know how to start labor and needed help”. Your risk of having a cesarean increases tremendously when you have an induction or even augmentation of your labor.

Babies are being born before they are ready. The cesarean rate shows that well enough, as does this new birth weight study.

If the average age of pregnancy is now 39 weeks, what is more to blame? Healthy women (which won’t labor before their body is ready unless there is a problem) or doctors that want to control a completely normal process?

Even though this study says that inductions and cesareans aren’t to blame for the weight drop, how could they not be? And how could they know it isn’t to blame when they are just taking information from birth certificates?

Definitely food for thought….

54 Ways To Engage A Child

Yesterday on twitter, one of my very best friends on there (@birthroutes at Birth Routes) posted a question, “Anyone else think magnets of 101 ways to praise a child can be the fast track to unhappy externally motivated children?” and posted a link to THIS.

When I was growing up, we always got praised for good work and critiqued for bad work. We learned to fail or succeed so we learned a good work ethic and we were proud of the work we did ourselves. We didn’t rely on what our parents told us and we believed in ourselves.
About a year ago I learned that sports teams were giving every team trophies whether they won or not. To me, this seems so very wrong. If you are rewarding everyone the same, why would anyone even try? I know I wouldn’t. It isn’t fair to the people that try harder to get rewarded evenly.
Now, I am not saying that the people that lose shouldn’t be congratulated. That’s just sportsmanship. But, they should not be held to the same caliber as the team that wins. If that makes sense at all haha.
So, Amber and I started going back and forth with ways you can educationally engage a child instead of just saying “well done” or “good job.” I know that with both of those, they seem like what you did doesn’t matter. No one paid attention to it, and they are just giving the random answer that comes easiest.
I have always wanted to raise my children with a strong work ethic and the drive to be proud of themselves. I don’t want them to have to completely rely on what I tell them. Of course, they will know I love and am very proud of them, but they will grow up with self confidence and the love of their own work.
Here is the link to Amber’s post (she says it a lot better than I ever could). I would recommend everyone to get to know her. She is absolutely incredible! A doula, a nanny, and trying to conceive her first child. She is one of my very favorite people, and a very amazing woman.
Without further ado, the list of ways to praise a child:

  • I’m having so much fun with you.
  • You teach me new things everyday
  • It makes me so sad when you cry out of frustration, how can I help you finish that?
  • Your ideas are so creative, I wouldn’t have thought about that!
  • My arms are tired of cleaning, you must be since you’ve been working so hard. Lets cuddle instead.
  • The way you line up your stuffies is really adorable, they looks so comfortable and cozy together.
  • Oh wow, looks like you are expressing anger in this picture, want to talk about.
  • If I lift you above my head, will you clean the fixtures, it might be fun!
  • May I help you? Looks like that is difficult for you.
  • When I have to clean the corners, I get frustrated, but you do it so easily!
  • The way you lined up all those red cars in a row makes me smile, I love how much convoys make you happy.
  • I wouldn’t have done that that way, but your way works better.
  • You make cleaning longer, but much more fun!
  • When I see you concentrating like that, I always wonder what you are thinking, want to tell me?
  • Your attention to detail is fascinating, I love watching you learn/create/enjoy your things/space
  • Huh, that is a different way to think about that.
  • I see how hard you are trying, would you like me to help you?
  • I love sleeping in a freshly made bed, do you?
  • But sometimes I like to dig under the messy covers too!
  • That showed a lot of responsibility/care/effort
  • Describe to me what your picture is, I’d love to know if you want to share with me.
  • When I draw, I always feel so free, how about you?
  • I love having a clean home, feels so lovely.
  • Do you like what you drew? How do the colours make you feel? I am enjoying watching you draw, your perspective is original.
  • When you help me, we get done so much faster. When we work together it feels great doesn’t it? Thank you, I appreciate it.
  • What should we do with this picture? Keep it, hang it up, give it to someone, recycle it, rip it up, frame it?
  • What were you feeling when you drew this? Were you pressing really hard, this line is dark! How would this look with crayon?
  • I love the way you laugh! Instead of That joke was funny
  • Show me how you did this!
  • I would have never thought to do that that way
  • I’m proud of you, could be, Are you proud of yourself? If they say yes, you can say, I am too!
  • thanks for helping
  • That was fun
  • It feels great when you help
  • I care that you’ve made the effort
  • Is that an elephant?!
  • Did you like building that?
    Are you fighting with your brother/sister for a reason? How about we sit and talk through it instead
  • I think we should make some playdough. Want to help? You can help me mix it together and pick the colors
  • How about we finish here and then you can pick what to have for dinner. Deal?
  • I think we should go for a walk as a break. Where do you want to go? That’s a great idea. I’m so glad you mentioned it
  • Would you like to help me change the baby’s diaper? You always know how to keep her happy while we do it
  • Did you have a dream about what you drew here? Seems like it was a funny dream!
  • I think the castle is missing one thing. Do you know what it might be?
  • Wow where did you get your hat? I wanted one of those but it looks so much better on you
  • You’re working pretty hard, want to take a break with me and have some cold lemonade? And then I will help you finish
  • Where did you learn to wash dishes like a pro? They are so clean you could eat off of them
  • Your room looks so great! Doesn’t it feel good to have the floor clean and the toys put away?
  • Did you do this by yourself? Wow that must have taken a lot of work. I love the detail you put into it!
  • Do you think playing the game was fun? What would you change for next time?
  • I am so grateful for your help today. It would have taken so much more time if I had to do it alone. Thank you so much
  • Did you choose this color to show something special or important? it really adds to the picture
  • You played a great game today! What were your favorite parts? Did you enjoy the other teams plays?
  • I love how you drew this animal, is it thinking something special? Did you line these blocks like this to show something? What does it show?
  • I love how u used the bright colors instead of saying thats a pretty picture
  • A Quickie

    I’m sorry I haven’t been able to post for a couple weeks! Our laptop’s harddrive crashed and it was our only source of internet (except my phone, but it won’t let me write long posts or comment on my blogs).

    I should be able to get to some internet today or tomorrow and I have a pretty good post in mind for my ‘comeback’.

    You guys are awesome!