Telling the Story

Today, ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) had a radio show about cesarean and VBAC stories.  They told women to call in and share their stories, to help themselves and other women.

I listen to a lot of blog talk radio shows.  I love hearing the views of the blogs I read and feeling the connection.

I have never called in though.  There have been a few times when I should have, but I always chickened out.

This time, the President of ICAN (who is one of my friends on twitter that I just LOVE) asked me if I was going to call in and share my story.  I knew it was time, so I said yes, and as soon as I did, I broke down.

I have never told me story aloud to people that aren’t family or my closest friends.  I have my visiting teachers come over a couple weeks ago, and they asked me about it, and I left a lot out and had to keep myself from crying just thinking about it.

She took a couple calls and I knew I needed to call.

I listened to a couple more stories and then came my turn.

I had to stop myself from crying repeatedly.  I have never felt so defeated as when I was telling that story.  I have never actually said the words for a lot of parts to my birth.  I have hid a lot, and still do in a sense.

I felt with every word that weights were being lifted off my shoulders.  I know I rushed through it, but it felt soooo good to finally talk about what happened.  To finally put it into words that weren’t behind a computer screen shield.

When the call ended, I just cried some more.  Some of the tears I never shed because I hadn’t owned up to my experience.

It has been almost three years and I am just starting to finally heal.  I am finally owning up to what happened.  I am finally understanding why I needed to go through that experience.

As soon as I ended the call, I knew what I had to do.

I got a packet to start an ICAN chapter in my town a bit after Glade turned two.  I was still so unsure, I put it off.

Today, I sent off the packet.  Hopefully it will start soon.

I need to help women so they know that talking about it truly helps.  I want to help women know that they are not alone.

I am nervous and excited.

Here is to another adventure!

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3 Responses

  1. Here’s to another journey in your life!

    How amazing. I’m so proud of you.

    So so proud.

  2. Blessings on this next chapter! What healing will come of it, what an adventure it will be!!!

  3. That is just amazing that you would be able to have that release and are in such a position to help so many other women! Way to go!!

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