Future Birth Thoughts

This is the absolutely perfect example for what I want for my next birth.

Pregnancy and birth is my life.  Even at the births I go to, the woman is the one that does all the work and I am there just in case.  Even with my doula clients, the mother does all the work, I am just there if she wanders off the path.

I truly believe birth is best left alone.  Just like all other bodily functions, women birth easier and faster when left to their own body and instincts.

I imagine my next birth all the time.  I often find myself daydreaming about what it will be like and who will be there.  I try to imagine what season it is and if that will give me a clue at all.

The room is always lit with candles, since obviously I will labor at night haha, but instead of actual candles, it is the plugable tea lights so I don’t have to worry about them burning out or Glade knocking one over.

I have a birth tub set up in front of the bar, next to the bookshelves.  There is a chair over there for my husband to rest in for when I am in the tub.  The soft light makes it seem so peaceful.

I always see myself in the tub, since water always makes me feel better.  I breathe and sway and do what I need to do.

Every once in awhile, I imagine myself looking over to the other side of the room to see who is with me.  There is always my best friends, ones who are there for me.  One is playing quietly with Glade, and every once in awhile Glade comes over and gives me a kiss and tells me I’m doing a great job.

I see the birth stuff near the door or kitchen, it moves every time, and I know it all belongs to me.  Sometimes there is a doula there, othertimes it is just my husband or my friend coaching me through rough patches.

But the one thing that stands out at all these births is that I am free.  I am free to do what I need to do to help progression and to give birth to my baby.  I don’t have anyone coaching me to push, or to catch.  It is just me giving birth to my child.

Freebirthing is seen as something dangerous and taboo.  When I tell people I am thinking about an unassisted birth, they look at me cross-eyed and don’t understand how I could ever want to kill my child when there is a hospital so close and I can schedule my repeat surgery.

Someone even told my sister in law when she was discussing me that “no doctor would ever let her do that”, which actually just makes me giggle.

The one huge thing I learned from Glade’s birth is that it truly is my fault.  When I am around authority, no matter who they are, I bow to them.  I listen and I don’t question.  You can say it is how I was raised, but I cannot stand up to it when it is about me.  I am great when it is other women, but for myself, I follow whatever they tell me.

I have been planning a homebirth for over a year, and always imagined a midwife there.

Then I saw the Freebirthing episode on Discovery Health, and it all shattered.

If I have an attendant at my birth, even one as amazing as the midwife I work with and love, it will not be about me.  I will always be wondering if I am doing things right and if I need to do something else and hoping they suggest something.

My birth, however selfish this may sound, should be about me and what I need to do to deliver my baby.

A lot of people might have problems with this, and to me, that just means that they do not trust the birth process.  If you are a midwife or a doctor or a doula or anything and do not trust unassisted birth and are not excited when a woman chooses one, you are terrified of what could happen and want to control the situation.

I cannot wait for my midwife to have her unassisted birth, if not to show my husband how beautiful it is, but to show everyone in the birth community how beautiful it is, even if they only read it online.

For me, an unassisted birth after cesarean feels right.  I need to know that my body works, that I can birth my child in my own power.  I am not only doing this as a healing experience for me, but because I believe birth is something special, and no one should have to birth how they aren’t comfortable.

Right now, for me, this feels so very right.


3 Responses

  1. Your birth is going to be so beautiful! I can’t wait until you are blessed to have another chance. I have been thinking a lot about having an ubac. I haven’t got Caleb to see the light yet, though. 🙂 But the next best thing is having Christy and you there!

    • I got lucky and Blake agrees to whatever I want with birth lol. He knows I know a lot more than him, so he’s okay with it. I might have him talk to Caleb 😉

  2. Sounds wonderful. I don’t know if I could have done a ubac. I had people all up in arms that I was doing a VBAC and that had me all scared so I had a midwife in a birth center. 100% natural, but it unfortunately ended in a 2nd C-Section so I will never know what a beautiful vaginal birth is.

    I had a c-section because my water broke and 36 hours later my labor stopped. All the contractions I had worked so hard through just stopped. I knew that I could either continue taking antibiotics and wait another couple days for labor to start again or have him out sooner. I chose not to risk it. It was 100% my decision, the midwife was by my side saying I could go home and come back but I was so frightened about infection. I was fine laboring past 24 hours but contractions completely stopped and I was only dialated to 3cm – after 36 hours.

    I will always deal with the “what if I had waited?” regret, but that regret is soooooo much easier to deal with when I look at my super healthy breastfed 1 year old than if I had waited, and he or I was born w/an infection, ya know?

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