“You’re Right”

The incredible midwife I work with posted this on facebook today, and it is too amazing to not share.  Not only does it come off EXACTLY how I feel most days, I think it shows how women, especially women discussing birth and pregnancy and their choices, would rather fight and be defensive than learn the truth.

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This was written in 2007, just 2 years after my HBAC:

I wrote this, not out of an angry tone really, but a sad one. It makes me sad that SO many women have such little faith in their body, the way that God designed them. It makes me sad that women actually use the phrase “I’m not trying to be a hero” when it comes to natural childbirth, birth without a stupid epidural that actually introduces more risks into labor. I’m sad in hearing over and over again “You’re so brave, I could never have done what you did.” And it makes me sad that women, like me, make really poor and ignorant choices during labor and end up with a cesarean, only to believe that their body is broken.

I gave birth. After having a pretty traumatic experience with Noah. No, the cesarean itself wasn’t traumatic. I actually had a good recovery. But it doesn’t remove the fact that it happened because I had no trust in my body, in God’s design for childbirth. It doesn’t remove the fact that I ( and poor Noah ) paid the consequences. So I didn’t have Megan’s birth the way it was, out of a superhuman amount of strength or bravery. I had it that way, because I had already sacrificed a child’s health by trying to do things the easiest way for myself. And that’s exactly what 85%+ of women do now. They don’t labor for their babies…they numb for themselves. And it really makes me sad. This isn’t a judgmental writing. It’s a sad one.

You’re Right.

by Christy F., a.k.a “Birthkeeper”

You’re Right.

You could never do it without an Epidural.

You could never be as strong, or as brave as I am.

You could never think of working with your body, Instead of numbing yourself for the greatest event of your life.

Because you’re not trying to be a hero.

You could never do it outside of a Hospital. Because you’re not as strong or as brave as I am.

You could never be without the emergency equipment, Even though it’s done more harm than good.

You could never birth in your own home

Because you’re not as strong or as brave as I am.

You’re right.

You must have become much weaker than your foremothers.

You don’t have as much strength and bravery as they did. You must have something wrong with you. It’s so much easier to believe isn’t it?

You’re right. You believe that you have something wrong, Because if you know it’s not true, you have no one else to blame.

Continue thinking that you could not have done it without drugs.

Without an Epidural.

Without a Cesarean.

Continue thinking that your body is broken. Because it’s so much easier to believe that, Than to know that you could have done it, Had you been strong enough, Or brave enough.

Had you known enough.

You’re right. You could never be as strong, or as brave as I am.

Is that what you want to hear?

I am tired of trying to show you truth. I am just too tired. I am tired of encouraging you. I am tired of trying to get through.

I will agree with you. You are not strong, you are not brave. Does that give you another way out?

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5 Responses

  1. Awesome. That made me cry…… I know I could have done it…….. I’m still so so so angry that I didn’t do it. And I really hate being so angry. Thanks for sharing that!

  2. wow, that is so true for so many woman I know, I did birth naturally for all my 4 babies, I had gas for the last one as she was facing the wrong way and needed to turn to come out the right way, posterior I think is the word.

    I had awesome labours no longer than 3 hours yet I have been made to feel guilty that my body was able to do it…. that guilt stuck around for a while, now I embrace it that I can birth babies…. people only think of the birth, yeah my births were great, the pph after my first daughter, the retained placenta, the trip to theatre, the iugr baby, the neonates experience, the mastitis at day 7 arent thought about by others cos I have ” easy” births…… I hate the competition, I hate the lack of trust by so many that they cant do it…..

    D

  3. Birth is controversial, I nearly died because of my bleeding, it was horrible, I was not induced, I went into labour naturally, I had no interventions, no drugs, a rapid normal delivery yet I lost heaps of blood and had to got to theatre…. sometimes we do not know why things happen, I was in a hospital as my midwife decided because my iron was low and baby didnt seem to be very big that it was the safest option for us, and it was the safest option,

    I have friends who homebirth and its beautiful for them, I wanted to do that for my last baby, but because I had a pph for number 1 it was considered better to birth in a hospital, I did come home though within 4 hours of her birth which made things as close to a homebirth as possible for me.

    we each do what we need to do, we need to get to a place that as woman we support each others choices instead of making each other feel guilty

  4. I didn’t have an epidural with either of my labor/delivery experiences by choice. I delivered very tiny preterm babies – 2 and 3 lbs – but the contractions were the same intensity as the would have been had I been full term.

    I understand why some moms think they couldn’t do it – but I always tell them, it’s all about being prepared. I chose the Bradley Method and it worked well for me. My obstetrician recommends Bradley or Hypnobirthing (Hypnobabies? Not sure which one – is there a difference?) for mamas who want a natural hospital birth. He told my friend that he loves natural birth moms – especially the Hypnobirthing ones – “I just stand back and catch the baby!”

    That being said, I have to admit that I’m in the group of moms who wants the emergency equipment there. Statistically, the chances that your baby will need to be resuscitated, or that you’ll hemorrhage, etc., are minute, but the thing is, it does happen. Midwives, I understand, are generally well equipped to be able to handle a situation like that until a hospital transfer can be made, so I feel that home birthing is definitely a viable option. Not for me, but a reasonable choice.

    I’m biased though – I have no faith in statistics. The number of pregnancies my complication – incompetent cervix – occurs in? 1%. Hahahahahaha. So if something horrible has a minute chance of happening, it will probably happen to me.

    Love youuuuuuuuu Kayce!

    • I totally understand why you feel that way. This post isn’t about that. This is about the women that say to us “You’re so brave I couldn’t do it” or “I just don’t want to be a hero so that’s why I’m getting the epidural”. It is a bunch of fronts, and after so long, it gets tiring and old, and all it does is make these women mad when you agree or disagree so you never gain any ground. They just want to argue, and truly don’t trust the body and what it needs.

      And for the times when a hemorrhage or a resuscitation happens, that’s why midwives have the same things that the hospital does. And my midwife has never transfered in an emergency. It helps a lot that they are there the entire time to notice if something is off. And intuition plays a huge role in it too. Sometimes you just know, as you drive to a birth, that this or that is going to happen. It is incredible, and it is one of the greatest assets to a midwife. I think having that intuition is what takes a good midwife and makes her great.

      Love you too btw 🙂

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