Unassisted Birth: Part 7 – My UBAC

*** As a warning, this isn’t any of my actual births.  This is how I imagine my UBAC going.  That is all ***

My pregnancy started off a little rough.  I hadn’t truly dealt with the fear and uncertainty that my cesarean left behind, plus, I had lost three babies before this pregnancy finally stuck.  I spotted in early pregnancy, which is scary whether you have lost babies or not.

Once I moved past the time when I lost my other children, the pregnancy started to feel more real.  I started to realize I needed to work through all the fears I had regarding pregnancy and birth.

Working through my cesarean was very hard.  There were so many layers involved, and a lot of tears shed.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  My cesarean not only hurt me physically, it crippled me emotionally and mentally.  I felt like I was half a woman.  Working through this took not only time, but a lot of affirmations, and a lot of writing it out.

Once I worked through this, I had to work through the beliefs I had about birth and the fears associated with that.  This took almost as much time as working through my cesarean.  There are so many beliefs that I have, just from the basis of how I talk.  Saying that things go wrong, that medically assistance is necessary.  I needed to work through the fear that things went wrong.

In a lot of my pregnancy I would have dreams I was having another cesarean.  Dreams that I would have to be knocked out, that the baby would go to the NICU.  One even had that I needed a hysterectomy from a uterine rupture.  Realizing that my dreams were just a basis for my fears and beliefs helped me work through them.  Eventually I started having dreams of the actual birth, not one of a medical emergency, but the quiet, painless freebirth that I wanted.

The pregnancy progressed normally, and I loved doing my own care.  I went for my 20 week ultrasound, they tried to scare me into doing measurements and genetic testing, but all I wanted was to know where my placenta was located.  It was high in the uterus, so I didn’t have to worry about that during the rest of pregnancy and birth, which was another load off.

Slowly, the pregnancy progressed, and at 41 weeks 5 days I started having contractions that were different than braxton hicks.  I couldn’t feel any pain, but it was free and tightening.  I could tell that it was different just by observing my belly as it went into a contraction.

This baby is head down, unlike my daughter, and I am ready for the birth.  I try to rest as much as possible, but I let the people closest to me know that the birth was starting, and if they wanted to come by, they could.  I didn’t want the birth to be formal, just a gathering of those closest to me.  They had thrown me a blessingway before the birth, and through it we had become closer than before.

After I rested for a bit, I got out of bed to find that my daughter was also awake and hungry.  I was still contracting, again, no pain I could just tell I was contracting and they were getting stronger.  I could feel the descent and the baby moving down with every contraction.  Soon, my husband was home from work, and it was later at night.  The sun had gone down, so I set up the birth pool.  There was no pain, but there was pressure from the descent, and I wanted to use the water to help soften my tissues so I could stretch more.

My husband and friends helped me pump and fill the pool, and by then the contractions were closer than ever, working how they are supposed to work.  I put my daughter to bed, telling her we would get her when the baby was about to be born, and she smiled and went to sleep.

A little while later I got in the water, and was instantly in a tranquil setting.  The candles were all around the room, with soft music playing in the background.  My husband was resting beside the pool, and some of my friends had gone, and a few stayed.  It was very relaxed and a very beautiful environment.

Soon, I could feel the baby pass the pubic bone.  I let out a sign, and knew the birth was very close.  I told my husband to wake up our daughter, and tell her the baby was coming soon.  I could feel the tissues of my body stretching on their own, as I am not actively grunting or pushing, just letting my body do what it does best.

Soon, I can reach down and feel the baby’s head crowning.

I made sure to have a mirror so I could see, and everyone except my husband and daughter kept their distance.  It was a family experience.  They watched as the baby slowly came out, millimeter by millimeter.  I could feel the stretch, and then the pop of the water breaking.  A few seconds later, the head of my baby was born.

The baby was slowly rotating to get around the shoulders so they could be born, and I watched in awe as the baby stayed calm and serene.

As the shoulders rotated, I had another contraction, and could feel them moving out.  I felt one shoulder and then the other slide out, and the rest of my baby with it.  Slowly, the baby floated to the surface, and I pulled the baby to my chest.  I help the baby in my arms, in awe that this precious blessing had just come out of me.  My body, that needed assistance birthing my daughter.

The baby was quiet as he watched us.  Eyes wide open, very calm, and just taking in the surroundings.  Soon, I could feel something moving down and out, and my placenta was born.  It floated and we put it in a bowl so we could still keep it attached to the baby.

The baby started quirming, and I knew it was time to get out of the water.  We moved to the bed we had on the floor, and I laid the baby on my chest.  We took the cord that had gone completely white and cut it, placing the placenta to the side.  The baby started squirming and rooting to the breast.  I knew that to get the best latch, I would let the baby do it himself.

Soon, the baby latched on and nursed for the next hour.  I felt amazing.  I got a mirror and checked for tears, and it was swollen, but zero tears and I felt wonderful.

There was such a high from the birth.  Everyone could feel how wonderful it felt.  The peace of it all was amazing.

***I do know that this is fictional.  But to me, this is how I envision it.  I am preparing to have this birth.  I want this birth.  The best calming way for me to welcome my child into the world.***

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3 Responses

  1. Beautiful Kacie! I pray you get the birth you deserve. Much love and sticky baby vibes!

  2. its so good to visualize! i so pray you get the birth you desire!

  3. Glad you wrote it out. Sounds wonderful. I know you will get that birth.

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