The 414 Ounce Donation

Sunday was the one month anniversary of Tyrion’s birth and death.  (If anyone doesn’t know, my son was born at 13 weeks 5 days on August 5, 2010.  My milk came in three days later and I have been pumping to donate this milk).

This weekend we went up to northern Utah to hang out with my family during Labor Day.  One of the mamas that I talked to about donating my milk lived up there, and my freezer was filling up very rapidly.  We didn’t know when they could come down or we could meet for me to drop off the milk, but this was perfect.  I was able to drive up there, and then drop it off at their house when they were home, that way we didn’t have to meet anywhere, and I was only 20 miles away from them.

In my freezer, by the time I needed to pack the milk, even the green crate on top was more than half full.

I did a trial packing of my cooler to see how much of my 450 ounce stash would fit in it, and I was so excited that on my first pack I was able to get 392.5 ounces!!  There was still a bit of room left, but I didn’t know how big or how much room the dry ice would take, but I figured I could fit 400 ounces in it very easily.

I unpacked it and then repacked it again right before we left so the milk would be at its coldest.  I had about 30 ounces of just colostrum, so I made sure that was tightly packed on the bottom so even if the top thawed, this would stay frozen for a few days.

I packed it Saturday and was able to fit 401 ounces of milk, plus have room for two pounds of dry ice, since it was packed so tightly.  My grandma also has a deep freeze, so I knew I only needed to make it to her house and then we could just drop the cooler right in until I went to the mama’s house to give it to her.

We had planned to meet Saturday night after she got off work, but everything got really busy, so we decided to meet Sunday after I got back from my hike and her first son took his nap.

We didn’t get back from our hike until 2:30 pm, and then I had to shower, pump, eat and by then it was 3:30.  Right after I was done eating, she gave me a call that her son was up and asked where we wanted to meet.  I didn’t want her to have to drive, then have us transfer the milk to her cooler, then her freezer, so I offered to just drive to her house since it wasn’t far, and we would be there in about a half hour.

We only got lost once (because my husband was giving me the directions and he told me to turn before we were supposed to haha), but we got there in one piece with the milk still frozen.  It helped that it was only a half hour away haha.

And, she opened the door, and I could finally give her a huge hug!!  I had never met her before, but her story is absolutely amazing (if she lets me I will post a link to her blog so you all can read it.  She is awe inspiring!!).  I just wanted to cry, it just felt so right being there that day.

She was able to fit all the milk  in her freezer until they could go over and put it in their deep freeze, but since I had pumped Saturday, my total donation was 414 ounces!!  There were 91 storage bags, and they looked so big in her freezer.  I really hope they last her special boy at least a few months!

We chatted for a few more minutes, and then my husband and I went back to my grandma’s.

I know a lot of people don’t believe in providence or God, but I do, and I know that he made this so it happened on September 5, 2010 for a reason.  Yes, I was with family and I was having a good time, but this was what I needed.

Even through the burial and pumping and other things, it never felt like it was complete.  I never felt that there was anything good ever going to come out of this.

And Sunday, I realized I was very wrong.

My son was able to help me after his death by helping another family.

I know he was there with me, and I will never forget the peace I felt when I was watching her fill her freezer.  Never again will I doubt that good can come from bad.

My son helped me do something I wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise.

And for that, I know that this was the reason he had to pass early.  This was the reason I carried and birthed him.

He needed a body and a spirit, and then he needed to help this little boy.

I think Tyrion will always be remembered because of this.

And I will never forget how I felt.


11 Responses

  1. I donated 350+oz this week too – and it is an amazing feeling to help someone else’s family grow stronger. The mom I donated to was unable to keep up a supply due to her diagnosis of Crohn’s disease and the steroids she’s been put on to treat it. What you did is remarkable – and for you to take sadness and turn it around into something so beautiful tells me that there is a lot of good karma coming your way.

  2. You are an awesome mama and an incredible person, and I’m sure your son shared your spirit. His memory will definitely live on.

  3. No words, you are all amazing!

  4. You are amazing.

  5. You made me cry again.

  6. You are amazing for taking such an experience and turning it into something so wonderful for someone else. Seriously, you should be so proud of yourself. You rock.

  7. On Saturday, some of the other workers and I were talking about how our ancestors on the other side help us and guide us, particularly with genealogy, but also other things. This is a perfect example.

    I’m so happy for you. 🙂

  8. […] with my loss, she felt that there was something good that came out of it all.  She talks about this compassionate story on her blog in her 414 Ounce Donation post.  Yes, she is pumping her milk to give to others, but […]

  9. I am so happy that you are finding healing in this! What strength and courage you have, and what a gift Tyrion has given you and this family! Blessings!

  10. My gosh — so wonderful!! ❤

  11. […] Through extensive Google searches and following people on twitter, I have come to find that SOME [I repeat, SOME…] aren’t as “grossed out” at the thought of donating breastmilk to another mother and baby, or even breastfeeding another child who is not your own. A WONDERFUL mother, @Heartsandhandss has/had been pumping after a tragic loss TO KEEP HER SUPPLY AND SHE DONATED IT! This is an amazingly refreshing story which you can read on her blog. […]

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