My New Scope – Ideas Appreciated!

About a week ago, I was invited to “like” a group on facebook.  I get invitations from other doulas and birth geeks all the time, so I didn’t really think much of it besides clicking “like”.

Then, I saw a post from one of my good friends (if you can call people that if you only know them online hehe) about this group that I “liked”.

The Abundant Doula wrote about The Amethyst Network.

I went back to the group on facebook, and actually read what they were about.

This network is “a nationwide network of doulas working together to support parents during and after miscarriages”.  (If you are interested in helping women with this, you can email theamethystnetwork at gmail dot com).

I knew instantly this is what I needed to do, to help with.

Amethyst is the February birthstone (which would have been Tyrion’s birth date had he made it to full term) which I think is amazing in itself, but Amethyst also is:

A meditative and calming stone. It works in the emotional, spiritual, and physical planes to provide calm, balance, patience, and peace. It has been traditionally used to help heal personal losses and grief. Amethyst has a gently sedative energy that promotes peacefulness, happiness, and contentment. It also brings emotional stability and inner strength. – (link)

The need for support for those that are suffering with miscarriage or stillbirth is intense.  My last experience in the hospital when I lost my son just proves how much those that work there don’t or can’t give women what they need.  They can’t sit with a woman for hours while they cry or are in the process of losing a baby.  They can’t help them talk it through.  They can’t help give information on treatment or options the woman has.

I know that with my first two losses, I didn’t know anyone except my mom that has lost children.  My third was a little easier, both in that I had more friends for support and that I got pregnant less than a month later.  My fourth I am still processing, but it is getting better with support and understanding.

I haven’t had the heart to start taking more hospital doula clients since the beginning of the year mainly because I have been able to attend amazing homebirths and I didn’t want to spread myself too thin.  I had thought about starting again now that I am off bedrest and not pregnant so I don’t really have anything on my plate, but I just haven’t been able to commit to taking clients again.

I had emailed this Network and let them know I was definitely interested in helping do whatever they needed, but they are still in the process of setting everything up (their website is set to be up and running during October probably near the 15th, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day).

So, this week I have been going about and finding information on others that are doing this, support groups that I could start in my area, and I was able to call a few of the OBs in my area to see if there was an interest in this.

Now, my problem is that I don’t know exactly how to go about this.  I am starting a support group for those that have lost babies and also for those that are pregnant after a loss (which in itself can be so much more emotional than the loss).  I looked into starting a support group through an organisation such as Share, but I am not allowed to apply to start a group until 18 months post loss.  Which makes sense since you don’t want people to not be prepared, but I want to be able to start things now, while I have the intense drive to do so.

So now I have the idea of how to do the meeting, what time/place/topic, which I don’t really know anything about.  There is a support group in my area (I haven’t gone to it yet) but I want to do a more formal meeting where people can come and we can actually talk through all the topics pertaining to miscarriage/pregnancy after loss, kind of like how LLL does with breastfeeding or ICAN does with cesarean awareness.

That I can all figure out (but if any of you have any ideas, I would love to hear them!), but one of the bigger problems I am finding is how I go about “advertising” (if that is even the right word) that I am a doula for those that are miscarrying/will miscarry or those that have or had a stillbirth.  I am going to write formal letters to all the OBs/midwives in my area to feel them out about the idea and hopefully get meetings with all of them to discuss it, that way if they have patients that go through it, they can refer to me and they can call if they want.  But even then, if they don’t tell their patients, I am nowhere.

I can’t put up flyers since that would be a little morbid, so I am wondering if I should just start the support group and work through that.  Word of mouth has always done really well with me getting clients or people to call with questions, but most people don’t like to talk about miscarriage (which *really* needs to change!) so that would be hard to spread around.

I am still working on logistics for it all, and I know once I get all this up and running or at least have an idea on how to do it, it will all come together, but I am just at a loss for most of the ideas still.

I will be posting more on this as I think about it, come up with ideas, but any you all have, I would love to hear!

I am really really excited about this shift, and cannot wait to get started.  This is needed so much more than most people realize!


3 Responses

  1. First, I want to say I read every post and I have for a while. Watching your journey has been heartbreaking and inspiring.
    I don’t think putting up flyers would be morbid. I would focus on women’s centers, OB waiting rooms, public health dept. Also using you social media outlets (Twitter, Facebook) and you can check out sites like which helps bring people with similar interests together.
    Good luck, sweetie!

    • Oh ok thanks! I had thought about using Meetup, pretty sure I will now. And I think I will need to make a mock-up of a flyer, just to see how it would be. Hopefully it won’t be as weird as I’m imagining :/

      • Another thing you do instead of a flier would be business cards. You can get them free at and a lot of midwifes and doctors have places where they have cards for patients to take when they need them.

        But I think as long as you designed a soft looking flier, it could work well too.

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