Drawn To Birth

I haven’t posted on here in a long time.  No posts I write feel right, so they sit in my drafts.  I just haven’t been very inspired lately.

Since August, I have wondered why I do the work I do.  I am surrounded by pregnant women, by births that seem very unlikely I will ever have.  And yet I can’t stop learning and loving and being around birth.

I always wondered what drew people to their calling and lifestyles.  And when I found mine, it all just clicked.  Since my fourth loss, I have wondered whether this is the right place for me.  If I would be able to keep going.

I have been having a hard time being happy for people I know that are pregnant, and have taken a bit of a step back from birth.  I stopped doula work, stopped blogging and learning about birth for a bit.  I wanted to get recentered and truly find out if this was for me.

I wanted to find out if I would be able be around pregnant women without hating myself.

And what I found out was eye opening.

We have five clients so far this year, with one more possibly on the way.  And I couldn’t be more excited!

I cannot wait to see their bellies, to see their labors and births.  I cannot wait to see their faces when they first hold their babies, to see their faces when they have that new baby.  I cannot wait to see their glow.

I always wondered what it took for a job to be your calling.  I think I found out what that means.

I think it means putting yourself last.  No matter your past or your future, it includes working toward what you want with a ferocity that cannot be stopped.

When I am working with pregnant women, it isn’t about me.  It’s like there is nothing in the world but them.

My losses and infertility don’t matter when I work with them.  Sometimes I don’t want to go, and want to not ache to work with pregnant women, but when I am with them, I am revitalized.  I am renewed.

For me, a calling is more than just a job.  My calling is birth, and my own past won’t change that.

Advertisements

One Response

  1. This is what makes you such a beautiful person in my eyes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: